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11 Ways the Internet Is Telling You You're About to Get Pregnant
It starts before you even get engaged. You begin casually browsing wedding dresses online and, before you know it, Google is showing you targeted ads of engagement rings eerily identical to the one you want—and soon enough receive. Then, a month after the wedding, the stroller ads start popping up on your newsfeed.How do they know you're expecting?
Recently, a Princeton sociology professor was so disturbed by marketing companies being able to make money off our secrets that she conducted an experiment to hide her pregnancy from the Internet—meaning she bought onesies with cash and never once mentioned her bump on Facebook. The result? She escaped creepy ads but was majorly inconvenienced.
For those of us who don't try to conceal our lives from the Web gods, these are the telltale signs, based on your Internet usage, that you're about to get knocked up—starting with you clicking on this article. So embrace it, and let us be the first to congratulate you!
1. You change your FB status from single to married.If you're over 30, there's a 90 percent* chance that within a year, your next big update will be a picture of your sonogram.
2. You've been leaving majorly emotive comments on your friends' baby pics.Every snark-free "Aww!" and "What a chunky monkey!" you write gets you closer to having your own little peanut.
3. Getting tagged in late-night party snaps has screeched to a haltbecause you've been spending your Fridays on the couch with Hulu, and no one wants to see a wild selfie of you catching up onInside Amy Schumer.
4. Your Instagram feed containswaymore food porn.These days, first comes marriage, then comes taking pictures of your truffle-y dinner, and ultimately come babies.
5. And don't forget about the homemade craft cocktail shots.Yep, you're trying to live it up while you still can, but you're too lazy to actually go out.
6. Your husband has traded posts about football coaches for rants about politicians,which secretly translates to readying himself to help shape the world his kids will live in.
7. Or, if he's a private guy, he's started tweeting for the first time.Again, he's now coming up for air as a respectable citizen.
8. Images capturing your recent activities could rival the formality of Kate Middleton's.This year has shown you at weddings, showers, baptisms, retirement parties, office functions, and any other event where shift dresses are required.
9. Every day you get an alert on your newsfeedthat yet another friend has shared a YouTube video of her kids singing "Happy." And you think it's cute.
10. You've actually started reading the rants your mommy friends post—andthe comments.You even pay attention when they crowdsource for parenting advice—is it okay for kids to watch TV? How much iPad time is too much iPad time?—even though you have nothing to add to the conversation.
11. You've posted the sonogram pic.Once your 300 friends have seen the contents of your uterus up close and personal, the Internet was right—you're done.
*Based purely on writer's own Facebook newsfeed.
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